Quickies

QUICKIES...
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married,
did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all
of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have
got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
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Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I
don't like the looks of your wife at all," "Me neither doc," said the
husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse
he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe,but
you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse
on you. The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent
replies, "Just a minute.." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. -----------------------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun,"the other
detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know.
But it sure made a hole in Juan."
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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde
wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets
the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could
start by buying me a drink."
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
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Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped
the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation He
said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He
replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't cuss afterwards".